Q: What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: How did the blonde die raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree! Q: How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day? A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her cigarette. Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven. Q: How can you tell when a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies? A: There's M&M shells all over the floor. Q: Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it? A: A blonde tried to shoot herself! Q: Did you hear about the blonde that tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe! Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Maybe someday we'll find Bigfoot. Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?" Q: What is every blonde's ambition? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. Quickies A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night. A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs. "Here we go again." How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below) How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above) A Real Puzzler One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help. ''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried. ''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!'' The Blonde And The Ventriloquist A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!'' The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!'' Alligator Shoes A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouted out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!" |